Masochism

I have started putting my life back in order and have considered looking at getting into a relationship.  The presumptive me thought maybe things will be different this time.  As expected,  I was wrong.  I wrote the blog to vent out my emotions.

I am baffled by my capacity to see beyond someone’s flaw and love despite of. I don’t usually write about feelings, especially if it involves mine. I’d rather stick to the usual observations around me. This time though, I have this urge to talk about me probably due to the lack of someone cerebral I could relate with.


Often times I am seen as someone stoic. Unaffected, always with something logical to say. These past few days though I have witnessed my transformation from someone who is unmoved by circumstances to a being capable of actually showing some emotion.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not numb to what is going on around me. It’s just that I have learned to shield myself from all emotional attachment because of fear of being hurt.

However, Thursday was a humbling experience. Bringing me to terms with my humanity and the fact that no matter how hard I try to pretend that I am not capable of committing the same mistake, I will over and over.

Will I really learn? Or have I turned into a masochist? I think I will never learn….being hurt is such a sweet punishment.

So for now……I will just relish the sweet sweet sensation of getting hurt.